A Satyrical Story
by Megkazul
Summary: Rosiel is a little preoccupied with Lucifer and Alexiel. Poor Katan feels neglected.


Warnings: PG-rated fic!! Run for you lives (and/or sanity)!  
  
Disclaimer: Yuki Kaori is the greatest being that ever lived.  
  
Author's Note: I had to take a break from the fic I was working on to write this one. It was an assignment from my English teacher; "Write a satirical short story," she says. Ugh. I *hate* English teachers. I really have no idea if this fic is a "satirical short story" or not, but it *is* a story, it *is* kind of short, and I assume it is satirizing something... most things usually are. I don't have to turn it in for another couple of days (Friday, March 29, 2002), but I'll probably get an F on it, or maybe I'll ace it. I dunno. English teachers confuse me. Also, if any reading this happen to *be* English teachers, please disregard anything I type that in any way relates to your profession...  
  
Author's Note II: About that title. No, it has absolutely no relevance to the fic whatsoever. As I explained above, I really have no idea what a "satirical short story" is, and if you caught the pun, the sort of thing implied there is not in the fic either. Nasty people. You know I'd *never* write anything above a PGer!  
  
A Satyrical Story  
by Megkazul  
  
Angel Rosiel glared down from high above the Earth, focusing his angry yellow eyes upon the human known as Kira.  
  
"Lucifer;" he growled, "Why does that damned angel always have to get in my way?"  
  
No one would've suspected that a mere *human* was the reincarnation of Lucifer. Cherubim Katan had followed his master's gaze the one in question. A young Japanese man, a senior in what the mortals called "high school" stood on the street below amongst various similar humans.  
  
Rosiel stood on the edge of the skyscraper, quite literally seething with fury.  
  
//The legendary fallen angel. He has made my sister hate me!// Rosiel's eyes traveled briefly to regard his beloved sister Alexiel. She was reincarnated as the human male "Setsuna," but Rosiel hardly noticed this. She was *his* sister, and he had a right to be near her.  
  
"This is all his fault," announced Rosiel to the air around him.  
  
Rosiel despised Lucifer. Once his rival in Kami-sama's Heaven, the unholy angel had brought damnation upon himself and dragged Rosiel's once-loyal sister down to the depths of the demon world. Now Lucifer, in his human body, stayed always at Alexiel's side, acting as a selfless bodyguard. Rosiel couldn't even get close.  
  
Katan, in a much more stable state than the powerful Rosiel, jealously eyed the humans below, focusing on Setsuna in particular. Kira stood off to the side of the group, completely ignoring the other boys, and the reincarnation of Alexiel stood in the middle of the group. As always, that dirtbag was the center of attention.  
  
Resentment in his heart, Katan scoffed, quickly turning his gaze away from Setsuna. He was rewarded with a lovely sight: the girl Sara was hastily making her way down the adjacent street. Katan smiled. He had a fondness for her. She was the one that kept Rosiel safe; Sara was the one that kept *Alexiel* away from Katan's merciful master.  
  
Rosiel, meanwhile, was still glaring down furiously at the being that had taken his sister away from him. As much as he hated to admit it, Lucifer was strong, and Rosiel would have difficulty getting through him. Perhaps he could coerce Alexiel into calling back her bodyguard... Rosiel's angry yellow eyes grew momentarily rational with thought as he studied Setsuna below.  
  
***  
  
Yoji grinned, taunting Setsuna, "Heh! Despicable freshman! You'll regret toying with us!"  
  
Setsuna just stared at him, unblinkingly. Yoji's fist hurtled through the air and met squarely with his jawbone. Yoji smirked, withdrawing his fist to find it tainted with blood.  
  
Setsuna staggered backward half a meter or so, apparently trying to regain his footing.  
  
Kato's eyes narrowed. He wasn't going to let Yoji get pounded by a mere freshman. He came up swiftly behind Setsuna and raised his arm to attack. His elbow scored right between Setsuna's shoulder blades, causing the freshman to go reeling forward with minor whiplash.  
  
Yoji caught Setsuna, selflessly rescuing the boy from the vengeful Kato. He then hurled Setsuna to the ground and delivered a swift kick to his rips. Now the other two boys that had come with Yoji and Kato mobilized. One took Yoji's example to heart and Setsuna had the pleasure of meeting a steel-toed boot up close. The other, a boy smaller in stature than the other seniors, drew a rather nasty-looking pocketknife from somewhere in his clothing.  
  
Yoji eyed the knife and then looked sideways toward Kira, noting that the gang's leader hadn't flinched in the slightest nor given any indication at all that he wished the freshman to live. //Setsuna is mine!// The grin on Yoji's face, while conveying his pleasure at this fact, made it clear to any observers that he was, indeed, on crack.  
  
***  
  
Rosiel spread his wings and leapt into the air, disgusted. He couldn't stand Lucifer. The dark angel was just so damn kind. Alexiel thrived under Lucifer's protection, and Rosiel knew in his heart that his sister would never come back to him.  
  
Katan stared at Rosiel with surprised bewilderment in his eyes. He counted the feathered limbs that extended from his master's back once, twice, and then a third time.  
  
"Eh... Rosiel-sama, your wings..." he trailed off, too confused to form an entire sentence.  
  
Rosiel furrowed his brow in annoyance. He flared his wings and landed slowly back on the rooftop.  
  
"Do my hideous wings offend you, Katan?" asked the irritated angel, raising his chin slightly as he spoke.  
  
Katan stepped backward involuntarily and hastened to kneel before his master, averting his eyes slightly so the angel wouldn't detect the emotion in them.  
  
"No sir," the distraught cherubim's voice was strained, "You are very beautiful; however, I think perhaps your wings are a tad bit unusual." Katan raised his gaze to eye them skeptically.  
  
On the street below, Kira hid his amusement at Rosiel's idiocy. Four proudly displayed wings sprouted from the lithe angel's uniformed back. Only Rosiel could get so caught up on his daydreams that he forgot how many wings was supposed to have. Kira turned his back toward the street, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Setsuna's bloody and beaten form lying amidst the group of stoned seniors. Kira ignored the boy's pitiful groans, knowing that Setsuna was perfectly capable of taking care of himself.  
  
***  
  
Rosiel, discovering the problem with his wings, ruffled them in a manner that looked to Katan like the shimmying of a wet dog. After a great deal of fluttering and such, only three wings remained. Katan noted the abundance of loose feathers in the air.  
  
Now Rosiel advanced on Katan menacingly.  
  
"You are *never* to question me, Katan!"  
  
Katan's breath caught in his throat as Rosiel's hand seized it. Fingers curled about his windpipe and sharp nails threatened to puncture his skin. Rosiel's glaring eyes bored into his, demanding attention.  
  
"Gomen... nasai, Rosiel-sama. Please don't hurt me."  
  
Rosiel suddenly dropped the angry demeanor and knelt to hug his servant compassionately, channeling electricity from the heaven's storm clouds into the cherubim's captured flesh.  
  
"Unfortunate Katan," cooed Rosiel softly, "You have hurt me with your words. I always thought you loved my wings."  
  
Katan jerked back out of Rosiel's embrace, blushing slightly at the military commander's bold breach of protocol. The electricity of the encounter hadn't bothered him overly much, however, and now he stood tall, evidently without pain.  
  
Rosiel stood slowly, eyeing Katan with a guarded look.  
  
"I want you to do something for me, Katan."  
  
Katan stood silent, awaiting orders.  
  
"Kill Alexiel's lover."  
  
Katan frowned. He had observed Setsuna enough to know the boy was smitten with Sara, the one human he never wanted to harm.  
  
Rosiel continued, "Kill Lucifer."  
  
Katan choked in surprise. Kira?! Rosiel thought Kira was Setsuna's lover?!  
  
"May I interrupt?"  
  
The two heavenly beings turned their heads to find Kira standing near the stairs. It seemed he had climbed all the way up from the ground floor of the office building beneath their feet.  
  
Kira walked calmly toward Rosiel, not acknowledging Rosiel's repulsion at his approach. Kira laid his palm flat on Rosiel's chest.  
  
Rosiel growled angrily, "Omae wa..." [Rough English Translation: "You bastard..."]  
  
Kira pushed Rosiel off the roof.  
  
Now Kira turned to Katan. "I would prefer if you didn't kill me."  
  
Katan eyed Kira suspiciously and altered his stance to battle mode. He had absolutely no problem with killing this human.  
  
Kira smirked, pleased. Cherubs were so damn fun... A sword materialized in Kira's hand. He promptly offered it to Katan.  
  
"Think you can kill me with this?"  
  
***  
  
Rosiel, meanwhile, had managed to spread his wings in time to land gracefully upon the street below. He was delighted to find his sister there waiting for him, unguarded.  
  
"Dear sister," Rosiel spoke in the sweetest of tones, "won't you please reconsider? You do not need *him* to be happy."  
  
Alexiel did not say anything in defense of Lucifer or his lifestyle, so Rosiel continued.  
  
"Come back to heaven with me and I will share with you what prestige I have retained in Kami-sama's noble court."  
  
Still Alexiel said nothing.  
  
Nearby, the group of delinquent boys that Rosiel had seen Lucifer with earlier were eyeing him with wide smirks on their faces, chattering incessantly.  
  
***  
  
Yoji scowled, disliking the idea Kato had presented.  
  
"He's just some funny farm reject. Not worth botherin' with."  
  
One of the other guys cackled, "Looks like a renegade from the chicken coop."  
  
Kato privately agreed, but he something about the guy bothered him. He removed himself from the safety of his companions and approached Rosiel.  
  
Kato went as close to the odd winged thing as he dared and called out, "Yo, Man! Whatcha doin' wit that corpse?" [Rough English Translation: "I believe he'd taste better sautéed in Italian dressing."]  
  
Rosiel looked over Alexiel, noting numerous bruises, disfigurements, and bloody scars. He turned to the human, a puzzled look on his face.  
  
"Corpse? My sister is not dead;" stated Rosiel, motioning toward Setsuna, "She has a vitality to match her magnificent looks."  
  
Kato blinked in surprise. Perhaps he'd been smoking a little too much.  
  
Yoji burst out laughing, overjoyed by the presence of this new amusement. He only wished Setsuna were still alive to gain from it.  
  
One of the other humans must've caught the gist Yoji's laughter, for he opened his mouth to question Rosiel's statement.  
  
"You say that freshman was onna material?" ["You say that freshman was female?"]  
  
Rosiel glared at the impudent creature and spoke to it quietly, malice in his every word.  
  
"She is my sister."  
  
Yoji stopped laughing long enough to cough and turn his eyes away from the deranged angel. He said something to the effect of "We should've taken Setsuna out to dinner before killing him," and the other seniors laughed viciously, a nasty tone in their voices.  
  
Rosiel, beginning to feel nervous about the intentions of these human things, gingerly took up Alexiel in his arms and sent a biting glare toward the nearest human. The blond boy just reached into his coat and pulled out a small bottle of vinaigrette salad dressing and tossed it at Rosiel, who let it land upon Alexiel's silent form as he spread his wings and took to the air.  
  
***  
  
Katan, forgetting himself, hastily seized the weapon Kira held, cutting the palm of his hand in the process. The cherubim stared avidly at the ancient blade for a mere second, then righted it in his hand, grasping the hilt tightly and adjusting the blade's tip to threaten the soft flesh at Kira's neck.  
  
"Why do you hand me this blade?!"  
  
Kira eyed the katana's blade, a warm smile on his face.  
  
"You would not want to fight without a sword."  
  
Katan said a word most unsuitable for one of Kami-sama's ranks and jerked the sword in a manner which he hoped would get his point across.  
  
"You have seven perfectly deadly blades, Nanatsusaya, why must you give me *this* one?"  
  
Kira raised his hand to the sword and ran his fingers over the edge of its blade, looking to Katan as his fingers caressed the one permanent bloodstain. This was his favorite blade; the cherub should feel honored to hold it in his hand.  
  
Katan's eyes hardened with anger as he spoke to Kira, "You hurt Rosiel."  
  
"Yes."  
  
Katan wanted more than anything to shove the blade into this human's tender flesh. The desire to spill this one's blood was great within him. Katan knew that Kira was somewhat immortal, but that was a mere technicality to the angered cherubim. He wanted to make Kira pay for causing Rosiel so much pain. If he removed Kira's head from his body, the human may live, but Katan was sure it would be uncomfortable. He thought about that idea for a second, noting that Kira's hand still rested upon the blade Katan was holding. Did he really have to use the sword?  
  
Kira watched curiously as the cherub lowered the blade and backed slowly away him.  
  
All Katan had to now was get away from Kira. He doubted the legendary Nanatsusaya would be very formidable with one of his blades missing.  
  
"Ah, Rosiel!" Kira raised his head to greet the angel that had just reappeared.  
  
Rosiel eyed Lucifer contemptuously, a small smirk on his face.  
  
Kira's eyes scanned the load Rosiel carried, tactfully overlooking the bottle of salad dressing. Setsuna wasn't in the best shape. He actually looked rather dead, but this didn't seem to bother Rosiel. Katan, however, looked extremely upset. Kira studied the cherub for a moment and concluded that the unrest evident in the man's features was *not* due to any particular concern for Setsuna's life.  
  
"Rosiel..." Kira mused, thinking as he spoke, "you have what you came for, ne?"  
  
Rosiel dipped forward as he hovered, managing to give Lucifer an exaggerated bow.  
  
"I will be eternally grateful to you for allowing my sister safe leave home."  
  
//Always the diplomat.// Kira coughed in a fashion he hoped would not offend the angel and motioned toward the cherub that clung so fondly to the hilt of his sword.  
  
"Forget gratitude, Rosiel, I do not want such sympathies from you."  
  
Rosiel narrowed his eyes, letting his loathing for Lucifer show through them. He landed softly on the rooftop and retracted his wings, sensing that the dark-haired man wanted to deal with him.  
  
"What do you propose?"  
  
Kira locked gazes with Rosiel.  
  
"Give me the cherub."  
  
Rosiel eyes darted briefly to regard Katan. The cherubim meant a lot to him. Rosiel had "raised" Katan as his own, and much more than a mere servant, Katan had a place in his heart that even Alexiel could never touch. Katan had always looked out for Rosiel's best interests, and with good reason; the cherubim actually seemed to feel physical pain whenever Rosiel was upset.  
  
"Sure. Take him." Now that he had his sister back, Rosiel had no further use for the Katan.  
  
"Rosiel-sama!" Katan objected, horrified.  
  
With a few decisive steps, Kira closed the distance between himself and Katan, seizing the stricken cherub by the collar. Whatever sanity Rosiel retained he had obviously entrusted with Katan. Poor Rosiel would be lost without the loyal cherub.  
  
Rosiel smirked as Lucifer and Katan seemed to be getting along well. He spread his wings, and clutching Alexiel tightly, took off.  
  
Rosiel gone, Kira glared at Katan in a manner that made the abandoned cherub feel extremely insecure.  
  
"What exactly were you planning to do with my sword?"  
  
Katan's breath caught in his throat as he recalled having taken one of Nanatsusaya's blades. Perhaps that decision had been too hastily made. Nonetheless, he did hold a sword in his hand. Katan found he had a strong desire to plunge the conveniently sharp object into the irksome human's flesh.  
  
Again the cherub refused to stab him. Kira viewed Katan with disgust as the cherub began to struggle, fighting Kira's grip on his collar. Eventually the incarnation of Lucifer dropped the disagreeable cherub, allowing gravity to slam the cherub's body against the surface beneath.  
  
Katan knew Rosiel needed him, but his master had, in effect dismissed him. Katan's love and respect for Angel Rosiel gave him the strength to stay away. He would have to endure whatever tortures Kira administered, at least until the departed angel began to miss him. Katan feared what Rosiel would do when he discovered the corpse in his arms was dead, but the cherubim was confident that a dead Alexiel would do less harm to Rosiel than a living one.  
  
Kira kicked the cherub onto his back and pinned him beneath a foot. Now Katan made no attempt to squirm and Kira wrenched the sword from the cherub's clutching hand.  
  
"You are pathetic. Why don't you sate your thirst for blood? I do not loan one of my blades to the enemy expecting to get it back clean."  
  
Katan glared furiously at Kira. "You are immortal," he accused.  
  
"Yeah, ain't it great?" Kira grinned, "I can drink as much alcohol as I want and never have to worry about finding myself lying dead in some gutter the next morning."  
  
Katan studied Kira, his eyes revealing some interest. "You ever try drugs?"  
  
Kira blinked. The cherub was awfully brash.  
  
"I'm not going to do anything brewed by a servant of Rosiel."  
  
"I got good stuff."  
  
At about this time, it occurred to Kira that he *liked* throwing angels off roofs. Almost as if Kira was interested in the cherub's wares, he allowed him to stand up and then, grabbing a fistful of Katan's uniform, tossed him into the empty air above the street.  
  
Katan, scowling at the sheer number of clauses in the previous sentence, nonetheless had a great reaction time. He spread his wings and spun around in midair, angling himself back toward Kira. Looking rather like a hawk swooping down upon some unsuspecting rodent, he managed to gather enough momentum to send Kira reeling backward upon impact.  
  
Kira, suffering from an irrational fear that Katan, like a hawk, would puncture some vital organ and then feast on his flesh, quickly scrambled away from the cherub. Pale and short of breath, he paused to rest as soon as the immediate danger of cherub-proximity had been vanquished.  
  
Katan frowned. "If you're not going to buy anything, I have no use for you."  
  
Kira made a gesture of dismissal with one hand. He didn't need that freaky flying thing hanging around.  
  
***  
  
Katan opened his palm and extended it toward the red-haired young man who, as far as the cherubim could discern, was the leader amongst the four humans.  
  
Yoji reacted favorably, hungrily eyeing the drug sample in Katan's hand.  
  
Kato, however, was more cautious. The blond boy studied the substance displayed.  
  
"Is it safe?"  
  
Katan pressed his lips together, the model of good patience.  
  
"Of course it's safe," he confirmed, "I use it quite often, and I'm a perfectly healthy man that believes himself to be a winged apparition from Heaven."  
  
Kato's eyebrows moved up higher on his face as he absorbed that information.  
  
"Sounds good to me. How much you want for it?"  
  
Katan smiled. "I'll give you deal that's sure to bankrupt me: only 300 yen per gram."  
  
***  
  
Kato, Yoji, and the as-yet-unnamed other two seniors became regular customers of Katan's business, to the immense satisfaction of the esteemed cherubim.  
  
Within a week the vicious drug had transformed the four potentially productive young citizens into delinquents who regularly hung out at bars and beat freshmen.  
  
-Owari-  
  
Author's Note: Honestly, this is the first time I've written a fic with the intention of making it funny. I realize people usually laugh at my work anyway, but I can't say that was ever my original intention. Now that my *evil* English teacher (again, please disregard anything offending) made me write a "satirical short story," I've been forced to try the whole funny thing. I most certainly failed in *that* endeavor, but please, you're the reader; tell me what *you* think. Please review; I will be eternally grateful for your opinions. 


End file.
